Now here's a story that gives a dummy a dream.

Allen Snyder has been missing his garden gnome from his West Virginia home for months now. Evidently, "Gnomey" has not been missing him though.

During the gnome's leave of absence Allen has received several letters from his MIA "Gnomey" from various, American locations. The most recent letter came attached with pictures of the gnome cheering with Steelers fans at Heinz Field, only a couple of weeks ago.

It seems that somebody's gnome has gone on the lam and is enjoying his newfound freedom. A dummy knows what it's like to be cooped up in one place for an extended period of time. Just imagine staring at a flower for months on end as it grows to full bloom, and then take out all the excitement and beauty of sprouting life. That's a dummy/gnome's life - confined to a fixed gaze and solitary concentration upon nothingness.

Sometimes life can feel like a life sentence when you're stuck in a room crowded with Elvis memorabilia and have no opportunities to experience the blessedness of existence outside the double-wide. The most excitement I've had recently was when Bob, my adoptive "dad," accidentally left me in the truck overnight, and I was able to witness the neighbors shooting old, tin cans with a pellet gun for half the night.

Gnomey, wherever you are, keep on truckin', buddy! The rest of us inanimate, lifeless objects will cheer you on. Heck, it's not like we have anything else to do.

Just be sure to send this dummy a postcard if you make it to Timbuktu.