This dummy won't venture into political debates on this blog. All I will ever reveal about my political views is that I am pro-dummy and anti-moron.

However, without jumping into the political deep end, I do want to comment today about the falling gas prices. Even for a lifeless mannequin like me, cheaper gas is a relief! The primary reason for my adulation is a direct result of the countless hours I've had to listen to my adoptive dad Bob blather on about his skewed, hillybilly notions about why gas prices were so high. Don't even ask what he said; it's impossible to fully interpret. It had something to do with how the CIA was hiding Elvis on the space station and how his hair mousse was disrupting the lunar gravitational force and thus causing the ocean's waves to make the shipping of oil more expensive.

Yeah, I know. I want to dropkick myself just for trying to repeat it!

Anyway, lower gas prices do tend to increase the need for crash test dummy employment. Which brings me to my real political agenda - stricter regulations for the automobile factories who hire crash test "specialists." Here are my proposed rules:

1. If the crash test dummy has a higher IQ than the human tester, then they are required to switch roles.

2. All dummies shall be granted a day spa pass at the conclusion of their crash test week.

3. Spectators are not allowed to munch on popcorn and candy during the crash test process. It's kind of insulting.

4. The lab techs are forbidden to give high fives or fist bumps after especially gruesome collisions.

Anyway, these are probably never gonna get passed, but a dummy can dream. I guess lower gas prices make people think of extra spending money. Not me. It renews the dreaded reality that dummies everywhere are suffering for your driving.

Next time you see one of my kind, do me a favor and give em a high five or a fist bump. We save your life daily; the least you can do is show us some love for that.