I had originally assumed that the human species only produced sub-intelligent, Neanderthal-like offspring. Then, along comes Jack to confound this dummy's wisdom.

You see, Jack is not your average 3-year old. Jack's a computer wunderkind! On his own Jack found his mother's saved password on eBay and searched the site for his car du jour. Evidently little people have a fondness for bright colors, so no one could blame Lil' Bill Gates when he found his pink convertible online and purchased it for a whoppin' 9,000 pounds. That's right. He bought an actual automobile on the internet thirteen years before he'd even be able to drive it!

From my observations of human toddlers, I've noticed that Jack's particular age group is usually known for screaming, crying, running, and numerous other physical disasters. Thus, Jack's feat is impressive and also cautionary. Impressive in the fact that he's a go-getter who knows what he wants. Cautionary in the sense that I'm just glad he's safely over the Atlantic in the UK, so I don't have to be quite as worried that he will ruin my credit history with the click of a mouse! I don't think this dummy has enough fundage on his debit card to handle the pink convertible whims of the barely potty-trained. (For the record, this dummy doesn't do credit. Having adoptive parents that often refer to the credit collectors who call them as friends has left an indelible impression that this dummy should always use paper, not plastic.)

So, today's lesson: shut down your computer, hide the children, and watch your PC's back. Those who ignore this obviously don't know Jack.