Being a dummy can be pretty helpless at times. Humans can't really relate to the awkwardness of strangers invading their personal space, making funny faces from a distance of one centimeter, or having their sensible clothing removed and replaced by rejected costumes from "Cats." Really, anyone with functional motor control doesn't really know what it's like to be the object of someone's warped "games."

I wish I were the panda in this news story I just read. Recently, an inebriated, Chinese man decided that he had to jump into the cage and touch the panda while visiting the Beijing Zoo. Evidently the sleeping panda didn't take too kindly to the man's intrusion into its personal space and bit the man's leg. Thus a man versus panda catfight ensued, culminating in the man (literally) biting the panda's back.

The man was later admitted to the hospital for the flesh wounds he suffered on both legs. The authorities have yet to charge him with anything, as they feel that he has already reaped the punishment for his drunken harvest.

No pandas were harmed in the process though. I guess being petted by an intoxicated fool was one of the panda's pet peeves.

You go, panda! I just wish I could bite back too. It would sure freak out the next redneck that got up in my grill, if I went all Mike Tyson on him and gave him a little ear chomp.

People often do silly things with time, money, relationship, and even pandas. It's enough to make a dummy write a blog where he has to vent about it.